i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
