he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
