If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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