lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
