So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize