my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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