Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
