I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
