some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
