I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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