There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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