is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
