YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
