I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
