I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
