Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize