Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
