and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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