Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
