You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
