i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
