where does the pee come out of this thing
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
