Sry I called you an 8
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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