why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
