you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
