Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
honey bunches of taint.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
