totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
