i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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