please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize