Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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