In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize