Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
