You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
