i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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