i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
