neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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