he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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