I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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