We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
