threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
