I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't deserve a penis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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