saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize