Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
