Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
