I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
