Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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