please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
