You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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