I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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