u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
