Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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