There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
