"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
