I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
