thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
smell my finger.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
