i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
try to milk me bitch
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