Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
