True but thats because hes a fetus.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm too high and old for this...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
