sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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