So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
