I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
