Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I only lived at night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize