Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
