Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
did i walk over a car last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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