Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize