honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What drink are we having for lunch?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
