Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
