so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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